Day 2

From my BoM study (Nephi 1:1)
This stood out to me:
“…because thou art merciful, thou wilt not suffer those who come unto thee that they shall perish!”

Because I had been studying about the nothingness of man compared to God, I saw this line and it gave me hope and strength to take my addiction to him. He is merciful, and if I come to him, he will not let me perish.

I feel guilty and ashamed when I compare myself and this addiction to the trials of Lehi, Sariah and their family. But it is what it is. It is an addiction and a prevalent trial in today’s world and today’s church. There is a way, and I can overcome, but I must seek the Lord’s help and trust the Lord’s help. This life is not for cowards….Faith and Fear cannot coexist. Neither can…

“Freedom from addiction and cleanliness begin with a tiny flicker of will.” From AGTARAH Page 1.

This quote speaks to me. It tells me I can’t just wait for my Savior to heal me, but I must take the initiative to begin. I must start again the abstinence and plan the healthy eating. I must face my addiction head on, face-to-face. I must yoke up with the Lord. I cannot do this without him and he will not do this without me….that is profound….I will say it again….I cannot do this without him and he will not do this without me.

I attended my 2nd 90 in 90 days HtH meeting

The word ‘resistance’ popped out at me.

Resistance is another word for pride.

I am chuck full of pride. It constantly gets in the way of progress. I don’t know how to rid myself of it, but I do see that I must. I recognize that my feelings of disgust for the addictions of the other members is truly a reflection of my disgust for me. We are all the same, and I don’t want to be the same….but I am. I want to say that my food addiction is a superior addiction than that of street drugs or pornography. This is a real feeling. I won’t deny it or judge it, but I hope to have compassion and understanding for the addiction of each person. The battle and desire to overcome it brings them to the meetings. We are all the same. The same war wages within. We can fight the battle or let the battle consume us. We will not win the war without our General.

In the closing prayer, I heard, “Please help us remember His availability” I pictured Christ on the other side of the knobless door. I must open the door to him. He is always there waiting